A Parents Guide:
Convincing Your Children For Marriage

Stressed about your kid’s future and wedding plans?

Do your children ignore this topic every time you’re at the dinner table?

Marriage is a sacred yet joyful experience and it should be done only when both the parties are absolutely convinced and ready for a lifelong commitment.

And when it comes to convincing an unwilling ward about such sensitive matters, a thorough calculated approach is crucial.

If you are looking out for one, you have landed the right place.

1. Discuss it out a.k.a  COMMUNICATE

Communication is the key to all ‘’human-problems’’. Note that.

As parents, we want the best for our children, but sometimes this could be hard to convey if we keep the authoritative ‘I am the parent‘ attitude here.

In such situations, discussions will likely not be fruitful.

But “Listening” does. It  is the crucial part of communication and when you do, these few might come up as the reason behind their unwillingness:

  1. They have come to a negative perspective about marriage in general
  2. They already like someone and see a future with them
  3. They want to focus on their career & marriage is not a priority for them
  4. They want to find their partner on their own
  5. They don’t want to get married early

Apart from the above, you need to communicate with your “own thoughts” first and see if your reasons to convince them for marriage are logical enough? The ultimate goal of a marriage should be the happiness of your ward.

Their feelings and their thoughts can not match with you sometimes but having an insight of each other’s point of view can give you a better clarity.

P.S You must know what the root cause is before solving it.

2. STOP NAGGING. START ‘UNDERSTANDING’

So now you know their thoughts and views, what next?

Now maybe you are able to understand them better or you don’t like the reason they stated no matter how true & valuable it is to them.

What do we do? Nag them?

No. Nagging involves forcing your opinions on them and is definitely not the solution, especially right after you reach out to them.

Here you need to calm down and ponder instead of reacting to the situation.

Giving reasons such as ‘You might not be able to do child-planning’, ‘What will society say?’, ‘I am getting old and need some help ’and ‘All the good ones will be gone soon’ are an obsolete idea to convince the adults of 2021, for the more you tell them what to do with their life, the more they do the opposite.

Before you reason them out, understand them.

Understanding their point of view through and through will give you ample solutions, helping you both come to common grounds.

Eg. Maybe the Guy whom your daughter wishes to marry isn’t financially stable at the moment. You might start throwing fits around telling her, ‘How can he support you and your forthcoming family? Etc. etc.’ aimlessly, well this might seem logically right to you at the moment- but you are scaring her off, intimidating her and obviously questioning her capability to stay financially stable.

Instead for starters you should do a thorough background check on his integrity, character and of course his zeal towards life & ambitions. If they aren’t good, put them out with facts without getting too dramatic.

For there is a fine line between making them understand and nagging.

Making them understand means sharing your thoughts in a way that gives them the independence in making their own choices.

3. SOLVING THE ROOT CAUSE:

Now that you’re aware of the difference between nagging & understanding, you can put across your point with empathy and understanding- that’s you can make them understand.

How Do I do that?

“ Be their Friend. Tell them your thoughts on the matter and give them the independence to make their own choices.”

We have covered few solutions for you:

  • Tell them the advantages of getting married, like having a companionship that they can rely on both in an emotional and financial way.
  • If they want to get settled first, make them understand that “no one is actually ever settled’’ as everyone is always running for a higher position in life and it would be even better to have a partner- a team  by your side while you’re both hustling.
  • This one is if they are shy or scared of the concept of marriage, ‘What’s the harm in exploring the love-world once, there is no rush.’ 
  • Show them with actions that marriages can be happy and fulfilling. Give examples of successful marriages.  
  •  Include smart logical explanations that involve humor– perhaps things like ‘marriages have nothing to do with career downfall’ & giving your own hilarious account of  post marriage stories as the ‘new bride’ or ‘new groom’ can ease them in for the topic.

Maybe they just want a little push and your parental advice can do that.

Getting angry is not advised even though it can be tempting.

They will respect your opinion and confide in you if they are shown respect.

4. LET THEM BE:

Let them decide on their own for the final verdict without pushing much. If you find it difficult to convey the above, getting a third party involved is not a bad idea.

You can confide in your close friends and relatives who have been on a similar journey.

However, don’t let unnecessary people get involved in such matters. People often have fun indulging in the gossip and drama of your family matters.

And if the above still doesn’t seem like a viable option you can reach out to us at Wedding Tales Matrimony.

We have dealt with many diverse situations over the past 14 years and gained a sound experience in the matter, making sure to keep the family stories bound within the walls of the family.

Arranged marriages when forced are not ideal, but when they ( and you ) get to decide their own love, it can be a win-win case.

September 17, 2021